Same species, different world

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME: Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, fix things, soothe, tantalise, humour, ignore fat bits, cuddle, excite, pacify, charm, spoil, embrace, tease, gratify, idolise, worship, indulge, smooch, nuzzle, forgive, phone, anticipate, entertain, trust, defend, die for, dream of and the bloody list goes on.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME: Arrive naked.

WOMEN’s ENGLISH:
Yes=No
No=Yes
Maybe=No
Is my bum fat? = Tell me i’m beautiful.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you MORON!
We need to talk = I need to complain
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead.

MEN’S ENGLISH:
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m tired = I’m tired
Can I take you out for dinner? = I eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I eventually like to have sex with you
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now.
I love you, too = Okay I said it… let’s have sex now!


Took these quotes from "Why Men Can Only Do One Thing at a Time and Women Never Stop Talking" - by Allan + Barbara Peace. This tiny book is dedicated to all men and women who have ever sat up at 2.00am pulling their hair out as they plead with their partners, "But why don’t you juz understand?????".

DOES SIZE MATTER??

Ah, a common debate among many women – does size matter? Does bigger equal more pleasure? Some say yes, some say no and some don’t know what they’re missing out on. According to a study done in the U.S., 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one because increases in length do little to enhance physical pleasure.

To many, skills top the list; no point having a big daddy that only does a “whambam-thank-you-ma’am”, which leaves you high and dry. But to some, 10 inches is the bare minimum to stand any chance of provoking an orgasm.

One of my girlfriend was dating this really good-looking,1.87m tall and well-built guy. You would assume his tool is reasonably proportioned. But nooo, it turned out be a laughable little trouser snake that failed to make her feel any form of penetration. Not to mention his skills were equally lousy. To think a guy who lacks the bulk would boost his self-esteem with the ability to please.

Having a dick that’s too thin and too short is like having a finger inserted into
you, and if that was good enough, then lesbians wouldn’t need strap-ons. But a dick
that’s too big and too wide is like getting bludgeoned. Ouch.

After experiencing the smallest miniature pony to a jaw-dropping well-hung horse,
I must say size does matter to a certain degree. Personally, anything less than 6
inches long and 4 inches in girth (during erection OF CUZ!!!) is just not going to cut it. To me, the size of the penis determines the power of performance. YES, IT SOUNDS SHALLOW but logically speaking, a longer and wider penis offers more pleasure as it generates more sensation during intercourse, doesn't it?

Truth be told, possessing a set of great skills in bed comes with experience, age and
a bit of know-how. But if the tool ain’t big, it ain’t going to grow any bigger.

Guys, if you’re reading this blog and you feel your penis does not measure up (be
honest to yourself k!), compensate by polishing up your skills and give your women an evening of passion and lust. If all else fails, there’s always the penis-enlarging pumps, potions and pills. MUAHAHAHAHAHAA

GET NAUGHTY WITH SEXY ROLE-PLAY

This week, I will indulge in the wonderful world of role playing; a kinky element that could be missing from what may otherwise be a very enriching sex life. .Many of us teeters on the brink of playing fantasy roles, but I simply love it. You can’t deny a bit of role-play does add that extra sizzle to your bedroom romp. Some call it escapism, but so what? If it’s fun and your partner is willing, you should experiment. I call it my passport to sexual nirvana.

Being able to play out my fantasies together with my partner is like breaking down a big barrier in our sex life, and it made us feel so much closer. After all, we’re showing each other aspects of our personalities that no one else ever sees. It allows me to unleash my inner sex Goddess and become far less inhibited.

Nothing says naughty or sexy quite like a French maid outfit. Not too many men would disagree about this fantasy – coming home to find their lover bent over with a feather duster wearing a slinky black dress, a petticoat and a thong. Another sure hit to get the man’s heart racing is a sexy nurse or a goody-two shoe teacher.


And my all time favourite would be the Secretary and Boss. Sexy tight mini skirt paired with black stilettos, with him sitting behind the desk, writing a letter. I sat opposite him, notepad in hand, shirt unbuttoned to a fairly indecent degree and legs slowly spreading, wearing no undies. Ke-chiing! Instant hard-on! We ended up having great sex and I was screaming his name from the depths within.


But I have to admit getting into role play comfortably can be quite a challenge at first. You have to be able to admit to each other the roles you fancy playing. Test water with a bit of dirty talking and get the mood rolling by choosing the costumes together.


Maybe the role suggested hasn’t appealed to your partner yet, but don’t backtrack. I say, get into the mood and lay it thin. Don’t worry about an Oscar winning performance because the fun part about this is that you can laugh and have a good time whilst doing it. Best of all, it’s extremely liberating.