Same species, different world

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME: Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, fix things, soothe, tantalise, humour, ignore fat bits, cuddle, excite, pacify, charm, spoil, embrace, tease, gratify, idolise, worship, indulge, smooch, nuzzle, forgive, phone, anticipate, entertain, trust, defend, die for, dream of and the bloody list goes on.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME: Arrive naked.

WOMEN’s ENGLISH:
Yes=No
No=Yes
Maybe=No
Is my bum fat? = Tell me i’m beautiful.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you MORON!
We need to talk = I need to complain
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead.

MEN’S ENGLISH:
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m tired = I’m tired
Can I take you out for dinner? = I eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I eventually like to have sex with you
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now.
I love you, too = Okay I said it… let’s have sex now!


Took these quotes from "Why Men Can Only Do One Thing at a Time and Women Never Stop Talking" - by Allan + Barbara Peace. This tiny book is dedicated to all men and women who have ever sat up at 2.00am pulling their hair out as they plead with their partners, "But why don’t you juz understand?????".